Shameless things you can do when you are broke as a church rat to get money

Ibrahim Kazeem
5 min readSep 14, 2021

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Photo Crédit Via GoogleImage

Earlier this morning, I saw a tweet where the op said we should now start saving in Dollar and not in Naira again because of rising exchange rate. I was mad and about to unleash my frustration on him when I saw someone else doing the lord’s work.

Image from Twitter.com/@bams_Jnr

Trust Twitter NG, they gave him more than he bargained for even though he’s only looking out for his brethrens.

Normally, any sane person should know that saving in Naira is now an unfortunate way of storing value but broke persons are not sane so… you know the rest.

Image from Twitter.com/@bams_Jnr

See, I am still angry because how can someone without 5k save comfortably in dollars? What if hunger knocks, how do you want us to cope now?

I know you are saying Tufiakwa and you can’t be in this situation, but between you and you, you know you are broke like a church rat.

Now that you have admitted we are in the same situation, it’s time for us to find a solution to it. For me, I have curated some things we can do to overcome this sapa-demic today.

Overcoming sapa-demic the peng way today.

-Toast your abandoned ex

In Yoruba parlance, there’s an adage that says "Ojú tó tí maniri, kò ní sọ pé ohun o má ni mọ" roughly translating to eyes that have seen you before won’t say it hasn’t seen you again. Oh, sorry about the Grammar. That’s what being broke does to one.

So on your ex, go back and reach out to them. Let him or her know you missed some good things you do together. Send them one or two picture reminders and let them blush a bit. Proceed to tell them how you missed when they can do it all for you and stylishly pitch in how sapá is dealing with you. 🤣😂

If you are a good person, they will send you something but if you were eblees when you dated, abort the mission now! Don’t add hospital bills to your Sapa.

-Do sogun dogoji in a legit way (turn 20 to 40)

Yoruba also said "Ojú gbọọrọ oshe gba ọmọ lọ́wọ́ èṣù" which translate to "you can’t collect the devil’s child easily". So you need to be shameless to do this also.

If you have 3k with you, get any of the celebrity’s details preferably Don Jazzy and send it to them. Wait on Twitter till it’s giveaway time.

Tell them how much you love them and how the love made you transfer your generational wealth to them. (lórí 3k 🌚) Screenshot the receipt and attach your account balance. Some people will abuse you but you don’t have business with them.

Don jazzy may also not have your time BUT the gbòòrò mi deleru will send you money to show their love to Don jazzy. You can get as high as X10 of your investment fund. Send me 1k later too. Bad guy, what a bad guy!

-Swallow your pride and take loan from GTB

Yoruba again once said "Àti owó Olowo, àti owo ẹni, Ọlọ́run má fi n kan kan wọn wá". This means "Whether it’s our money, or another person’s money, may God not make us lack any".

Now, if you have a salary account with GTB, now is the time for them to be useful to you for once. Apply for loans and check if you are eligible, you can get up to half of your monthly salary. Please be careful to not get a lot so you will not be coping with Sapa Pro Max when it's time to repay. Alafia fún yín o.

Post SOS on Twitter

Now is the time to leave your agbada of ìgbéraga at home and put on see finish shorts to Twitter Street. Table your needs according to a scale of preference and tag your favorite influencers. The truth is we all need a raise at some point. Queuing for a giveaway today doesn’t mean you won’t host a giveaway tomorrow. God will be with you, Comrade.

PLEASE ALL THESE ARE NONSENSE SHORT TERM FIXES. TO AVOID RESORTING TO THESE NEXT TIME, WORK YOUR ASS OFF, KEEP IMPROVING AND PRAY HARD. 
Hopefully, tomorrow will be better for us. 
And please, don’t ask me which one I want to go for. I have made my choice, make yours. If you see me under Don Jazzy timeline, mind your business.

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Ibrahim Kazeem

Freelance Content Writer| Global Shaper| Social media manager | Husband| Email me on lbrahimkazeem93@gmail.com